The Responsibility of Our Voice
This blog is the second guest post about Male Allies Against Sexual Violence (MAASV) in Waterloo Region. You can read the first post from Joan Tuchlinsky here.
Being a leader doesn’t necessarily mean being at the front of a rally with a megaphone. There are many components to leadership. It’s important, especially for the guys reading this, to remember that we are all leaders, whether to our brothers and sisters, our partners, our friends, or to our sons and daughters.
The sexism, misogyny, transphobia and homophobia found in the media and in our everyday interactions can be overwhelming and confronting these issues can make us feel vulnerable or powerless. At the same time, many men (and women) do not know how to confront these issues in their own lives. Unfortunately, this means that a lot of us remain silent. However, when we remain silent about violence against women we are perpetuating a rape culture – whether we intend to or not.
What does rape culture mean?
Rape culture is a term used to describe a society wherein sexual violence is normalized through behaviours, attitudes and practices that tolerate rape. Okay… what does that mean? Rape is not the only action that perpetuates rape. How we act and what we say go a long way in telling those around us what is acceptable. For example, if we laugh or remain silent when a rape joke is told by one of our co-workers while we are not condoning the behaviour described in the joke – we are allowing the attitude expressed by the person who told the joke to remain unchallenged and spread.
While sexist and misogynistic attitudes may not physically harm women we know that language structures our thoughts and behaviours. The more prevalent these attitudes become, the more they are internalized by men and used as justification for their treatment of women. Admittedly, the intent of jokes that dehumanize women is generally not to encourage men to physically harm women. However, the impact of rape jokes is the creation of a rape culture that tells the men listening that their behaviours and attitudes towards women are acceptable.
Here is a link to an exercise called the Continuum of Harm, which is a great tool to help people understand both the intent and impact of our actions.
For more information on rape culture, check out this great article by Phaedra Starling.
To disrupt our rape culture, men must recognize their responsibility to address violence against women. While women have had to fight for a platform to speak, men were born with one. It is time that men began to use their voice for good, as although the majority of men are not violent — some men are. According to Statistics Canada, men are responsible for 83% of police-reported violence committed against women and 98% of intimate partner violence.
Undoubtedly, this is a societal issue — but it also needs to be addressed individually. I want to encourage men to become accountable in their own lives and understand that they can make a difference simply by working to be the best version of themselves that they can be. One way we can do this is by leading with lollipops:
To end, I would like to say that while men need to become more active, we must continue to be accountable to women and women’s organizations such as the Sexual Assault Support Centre Waterloo Region (sascwr.org) who have been doing this work for decades and who make the work we do possible. Men who become involved in ending violence against women are often romanticized while the work of women goes ignored or unnoticed. As such, it is important to remember that while the dominant construction of masculinity may not work for all men – patriarchy does.
In solidarity,
Stephen Soucie, MAASV Facilitator
Twitter: @Maleallies
Email: info@maleallies.org
Website: www.maleallies.org
Facebook: www.facebook.com/maleallies
Author: Stephen Soucie is a MAASV Public Education Facilitator for the Sexual Assault Support Centre of Waterloo Region. Currently, he is a Masters student in the Critical Sociology program at Brock University. His research areas include: violence against women, men and masculinities, masculinity and sport, and engaging men in anti-violence activism.